Hello! As you may have guessed from the self-adoring title and URL, I am Jens.
 I guess this is the part where I talk about my name, background and personality....
Jens, of course, is a Scandinavian name. Its the only name I can see myself having. Its unique as am I, therefore I find it fitting. I don't think I can think of anyone else named Jens who isn't related to me (except for a weird uncle of one of friends.) Apparently it comes from the biblical name "Ioannes" who I have decided, must have been the 13th disciple that nobody liked. Of course, everybody knows that all the popular boys names in Europe come from the disciples. Other people get Mathew, Mark, Luke and John and i have god forsaken Ioannes who probably made fart jokes at the last supper and/or drew crude images on the corpse of Christ after they put him in that tomb before he supposedly "resurrected". He must have been disliked for some reason as he isn't mentioned anywhere as being a disciple. Then it struck me that he could have just been an odd man out. Maybe he was a nerd in school that all the disciples would pick on. I imagined that maybe Simon would give him wedgies and Jesus would say his mom was fat. I decided to look him up to be sure. It turns out that he was a Roman Emperor. He usurped the throne and was overthrown and executed after 2 years. How disappointingly anticlimactic. I'm not even sure how his this insignificant guy could have people around the world named after him. Oh well I guess I wasn't expecting much anyway. 
Anyway, I'm sure you're just itching to know how I got this name. Well my Father was born in, and grew up in the cold Nordic country known as Sweden. He had one younger brother named Jens (three years younger I believe) and I am of course named after him. Jens was the more athletic and outgoing of the two. My dad was kind of a bookish introvert. He liked spending his free time painting and drawing (and even writing I believe). His parents were craftspeople and his mom helped him enhance his skill in the arts. He eventually went off to Florence, Italy to study the arts in college. There is a funny story he likes to tell of how when he first arrived in Italian Art School that he was approached by the dean and was asked if he wanted to obtain credit for his years studying there. My dad, having really bad Italian, said no. And that is the story of why my dad doesn't have a bachelor's degree.
But enough about him. For graduate school (where he oddly enough achieved a master's degree) my father came to America. He went to School in Detroit where he met my Mom who is from a small town called Norwalk in Connecticut. She was also studying the arts but specifically pottery and ceramics. She came from a exclusively German business family by the name of Wirth. Her grandfather came over sometime during the war and my knowledge of the family history gets a little hazy after that. The name Wirth (some German guy corrected me once and said "its pronounced 'Vert' not 'Worth' ") This name is interesting. All of the family on my mom's side like to tell some old tale about how they were wealthy Innkeepers in Germany, and that our name actually now means Innkeeper in German because of our family's success in Germany. Google translate says its "Gastwirt" .Close enough. 
 You know the stereotype that Germans are stubborn and volatile? Imagine a dinner table with 10-15 of these people who are adamant in their Fiscal Conservative and religious views. If you can picture this then you can picture every family reunion. 
Perhaps I am exaggerating a bit but my description becomes closer to the truth when my socialist, agnostic father insists on bringing up politics. He is instantly assaulted on all sides and his arguments or drowned out by the much louder voices of my maternal family. Again, I'm exaggerating but all I am saying is that if my father doesn't learn to keep his mouth shut and stay away from politics my uncle John will lynch him.
So now you know about how I got my first Name and my middle name. Now lets talk about my last name Salander......


No, goddamit, I am not related to that goth chick from "the Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" get over yourself, she is a fictional character. Salander is an extremely rare name even in Sweden. I have searched the internet for people with the same last name and all the people I have found I am somehow related to. I'm starting to think my family is comparable to the white trailer trash but in Sweden, who just invent their own "unique" names. Although, there was once this one guy who was some sort of artist who schemed Robert DeNiro out of a couple Millions bucks. He had the same last name as I and his mugshot didn't remind me of any of the people in any of the family photos I have seen. He did however have the same last name as me but I think I am comfortable thinking for now that I am NOT related to him.

So I am named after a usurper of thrones, a line of successful German innkeepers and a emo girl who is skilled at solving mysteries as well as a criminal Artist. What this says about my personality I don't know but who cares. Leave that sort of junk to philosophers.